


If I Was A Prophet, If I Was A Saint

by B0NEZ0NE



Series: Renegades [1]
Category: Far Cry 5, Far Cry: New Dawn
Genre: F/F, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyseed (Far Cry), Pre-Far Cry 5, Rating May Change, Tags May Change, and i wanted to do something less depressing with the deputy, cause im tired of the seeds being dead, this is a weird self-service au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-03-29 17:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19024675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B0NEZ0NE/pseuds/B0NEZ0NE
Summary: this is an au where i completely remake the judge as a character because the deputy deserves Rest. takes place several years before the events of the game, and the judge is their own separate character. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ this fic will hopefully keep going into new dawn, cause i want everyone to get a happy ending*Edit*Changed the name of the fic cause I was very tired when I initially posted this.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Renegades by Feeder is the main inspiration for this fic.

Mars Farward moved to Hope County for a change in scenery. Not a literal change in scenery, mind you, as she moved from a small town in Alberta, Canada to Holland Valley, Montana; the scenery was pretty damn well the same. No, she came here because home no longer felt like it should, and she found out she had an uncle living down here. An uncle who spent his time trucking, and had an essentially empty house for her to use. It was too good to pass up; a chance to live on her own, a fresh start. No more bullshit, right?

She sighed, taking off her thick-rimmed glasses and running her hands down her face. Hindsight is 20/20, and god damn did she regret applying for a management position at the rundown general store 15 minutes from her house. If any of her coworkers would consistently show up for their shifts, it would be a different story. Today it was Alison, who hadn’t even bothered to call, or answer her damn phone. Mars grabbed her glasses and moved around the desk, swiping the sign-in sheet on her way towards her seat at the front counter.

\--

It was turning out to be a slow day, thankfully. None of the regulars had come in for their crap, which was odd, but Mars figured there was some event going on or something. Lord knows she doesn't keep up with anything in the valley, which would explain why she didn't recognize the three men currently stepping into the threshold. Well...that's not entirely true. The one with the blue shirt looked vaguely familiar, but she couldn't quite place it. 

Each of them had a fairly unique look, and as they branched off to different sections of the store, she couldn't help but wonder if she really _had _missed an event. Yellow aviators? The campiest preacher outfit she'd ever seen, and to literally top it off, a man bun. _What the fuck _. The one in blue looked out of place only because the dude screamed 'I have more money than you ever will', and the obvious military vet looked...well...like every other fucking vet in the county, but the man was covered in scars. All together they looked like a cosplay group that couldn't settle on a fandom, and that was just the cherry on top that was causing Mars to lose her cool. She couldn't duck into her office to laugh it off, so she settled for trying to look very interested in the pamphlet someone had left a few days ago.____

_____ _

_____ _

“If it is my Word that you find so interesting, then perhaps it was God’s will that we visit here today.” Preacher was suddenly at the counter, giving her a thoughtful look, or so she assumed; his eyes are _so _intense, and Mars nearly fell off her damn chair. She dropped the pamphlet, glancing over the man, and then the pamphlet again.__

____

____

"Project At Eden's Gate….wait, your Word? No, no I'm not uh…." She sighed, sitting up straighter. "Religious. I'm not religious. I'm sorry, did you need help with anything?" Shifting into customer service mode, Mars put on her best smile. His own face morphed into something much less intense; verging on amused, really. His companions approached on either side, and up close you can see a family resemblance. Doesn't explain the outfits, but we're getting somewhere at least.

Army Vet is definitely sizing her up, which is annoying, but she's had worse things happen at work; she can feel herself bristling at the attention. Blue on the other hand, is peacocking _hard _, and Mars is pretty taken aback, cause this dude is _definitely _out of her league. She makes the mistake of eye contact with the man and he winks at her, causing her to blush slightly.____

_____ _

_____ _

"These are my brothers; John," He gestures at Blue "and Jacob." Vet huffs quietly, adjusting his stance. "I am Joseph. With our adopted sister, Faith, we are the Seed family.” Joseph extends his hands forward slightly, palms up. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss…?” Mars gives him a wary look before presenting her own, much smaller hand. “Uh...Marie. Farward. Or uh, Mars….if you want.” She touches her nametag with her other hand subconsciously.

Joseph takes her hand in his, smoothing a palm over the top, almost affectionately, before pulling it forward for a gentle, chaste kiss on her knuckles. He sighs her name, and she just blinks at him owlishly, unsure of how to react. She’s pulled back to an earlier thought; _what the fuck _.__


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates are gonna be pretty sporadic honestly, sorry. work is exhausting lol :')

As it turns out, the Seeds were the reason why nobody had stopped by the shop; this small strip of road was in their warpath of purification. 

"We're removing objects of sin." He said, moving his thumb across her knuckles. She's watching the movement carefully; when was the last time someone had been so... affectionate with her? "Cutting out the temptation at its sources." Joseph gave her a gentle squeeze, pulling her attention back to him. Back to that intense gaze.

"That uh...sounds like a lot of work, Joe." The nickname seems to have caught him off guard, because he lets out a quiet, amused huff. "It is, my child. But as the Father, God is constantly testing my faith…..my devotion." He closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. "Would you like to know more? I hold my congregation at my compound, every Sunday. I... _we _...would love to see you there."__

__Mars gently pulled her hand from his, shaking her head slightly. "No thank you, Joe. Like I said, I'm not religious, but I appreciate the offer." She gave him a small smile, which he returned with a knowing nod._ _

__"Another time, then.” Joseph turned and left, John following close behind. He paused at the door, turning his head slightly toward her. “God’s will is absolute, after all.” Jacob continued to stand there at the counter, staring her down for another full minute before nodding at her, walking away with long, sure strides. Mars has no idea what this fucking means, and she isn’t given much time to ponder it, because a certain, guilty-looking employee steps out from behind a shelf and into view with a sheepish wave._ _

__“So like…..is this a reverse-harem? A weird religious one? Cause that would be _wild _okay. You know that Joseph dude walks around shirtless all the time, right? Do you think he invited you to his house so you could bang? Dude what if--” A sudden hand over her mouth stopped Alison in the middle of her ridiculous rambling, and she at least had the decency to shoot Mars another apologetic look, before licking her hand. Mars let go with a disgusted yelp and a glare.___ _

____“I’m going to kill you. And then fire you. In that order!” She wiped her hand on her pants before gesturing broadly at the store. “Where the fuck were you? Two hours late, dude! Two hours! That dude _kissed my hand _! I’m….” She paused, and slumped over, running her hands over her face and skewing the hell out of her glasses. “I’m too old for this shit. Take my place, you deal with this shit.”___ _ _ _

______Alison snorted, and stepped around her to gently rub her back. “You’re only 25, dude. You’re fuckin’ older than I am. Also this is your problem, I’m good, thanks. Have fun.” Mars let out a disgusted sigh and shrugged her hand off. “You’re super fired. Go sign in and look nice up front, I gotta write up my shipping list.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sure thing, boss.” She said with a mock salute._ _ _ _ _ _

______\--_ _ _ _ _ _

______It was about three weeks before the Seeds showed up again; this time just Jacob and a barefoot woman in a short, white dress. Uh…..Faith? Fuck, that was probably it. It felt like so long ago she would have been sure it was a dream, if not for the fact that Alison had told every god damn one of their coworkers, and they all talked about it constantly._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam was working today, and despite being the most awkward teenager she’d ever laid eyes on, he at least had the decency to duck out for his ‘break’ when he saw them come in. Mars tensed up; Jacob is fucking intimidating, and Faith was so pretty she could feel her brain melting into a gay mush._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Oh! Jacob, you didn't tell me about how cute she is!" Faith rushed the counter, taking Mars' hands in her own. Christ alive, none of these people have any concept of personal space. "I don't recall saying much about her at all."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Faith's face lit up mischievously. "Now Jacob, that's not true at all! You definitely mentioned that you liked the fire in her eyes!" Jacob groaned, turning away. "I ain't dealin' with this today."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Faith pouted, turning away from Mars to grab his hand and drag him back. “You haven’t even properly introduced me yet, Jacob! Come on, stop being rude.” Jacob ran a hand over his face with a groan, not making eye contact and gesturing vaguely in Faith’s direction. “Yeah yeah, this is Faith. The adopted sister Joseph mentioned. She’s a pain in my ass.” Faith, who had grabbed hold of Mars’ hands again, beamed brightly. “Hi! Oh, it’s so nice to meet you. We’re going to be so close, I can just tell. Oh, here!” She reached into a pocket that Mars was surprised even existed in a dress like that, and handed her a folded piece of paper. “Please text me when you can! We’re staying in the valley for a little while, so maybe we can spend time quality time together!” She giggled, looking up at Jacob. “Oh, it’ll be so much fun!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jacob sighed and looked like he wanted to snark at the younger woman when his phone started ringing. He groaned quietly, silencing it. “C’mon daisy-chain, we’re late. John’s gonna whine for hours now.” Faith giggled again, stepping away with a wave. Jacob gave her a stiff nod, and both headed out the door. “Stay out of trouble, wildfire.”_ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on tumblr!! ghoul-ification.tumblr.com  
> please let me know how i did! im thirsty for attention and also i dont write very often haha ;u;


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its just feelings everyone is mushy
> 
> i spent so long rewriting this chapter that it feels longer to me than it actually is, sorry ;u;

Mars’ thumb hovered over the send button, pressure building in her chest. She’d waited till she was home before opening this can of worms, and now her anxiety had a stranglehold on her. It’s just a text, right? Friendship isn’t so bad, and God knows Mars doesn’t really have anyone here besides her coworkers; you know….the people she doesn’t see outside of work.

She hit the button with a sudden exhale.

To [Faith Seed]: Hey this is Mars lol  
From [Faith Seed]: :) <3

Okay, so this is the right number. Great. Okay. Okay. Mars didn’t expect her to reply so fast, and she felt guilty for waiting all day just to text her.

From [Faith Seed]: I was worried you had forgotten about me! :(  
From [Faith Seed]: But that’s okay! I wanted to ask when you have a free day to hang out!  
From [Faith Seed]: Oh, unless you’re free tonight? :)

Mars held her breath; did she want to risk hanging out with a stranger? Alone? This late in the day? Fuck it.

To [Faith Seed]: Yeah sure. Sorry about the wait, I was trying to set a good example for the babies at work haha  
To [Faith Seed]: Didya wanna meet up somewhere or?? Like you could come over but tbh there’s nothing to do here  
From [Faith Seed]: Don’t worry! You can come over to the ranch. :)  
From [Faith Seed]: I’ve got some stuff planned! <3

\--

Jacob, leaning over the table beside Faith, raised an eyebrow at the communication between the two women. “So, what do you actually have planned? Joseph is….weirdly fixated on her, so if you try to pull any of your Bliss shit, he’s not going to take it well.”

Faith sighed, turning to look up at him. “The Bliss is for those of wavering faith, Jacob. A safe haven for those who struggle. A last resort.” Smiling down at her phone, she let out a content sigh. “Joseph is right, you know. She’s special, I can feel it. And we’re going to be close! So if you’re going to be a jealous old man, go do it in your room.” She turned and stuck her tongue out at him, and he squashed her face between his thumb and index finger in retaliation.

"You're really toeing the line here, daisy-chain. John's gonna pout if finds out you brought her here while he's gone." Faith gave him a one-shouldered shrug. "Should have made a move sooner, then! I'm not gonna wait an eternity for him to find the 'perfect moment' when I can make a new friend right now. Besides,” She shuffled her chair over a smidge when Jacob moved to sit down next to her. “He had 3 weeks! 3 weeks of calling me to wax poetic about her eyes, and whatever else he could. I was going to lose _myself _in the Bliss if he kept it up any longer. Honestly.” She crossed her arms in a huff. Jacob was leaning his chin into his palm, shoulders shaking with barely contained laughter. Faith watched him out of the corner of her eye, subtly preening for having made him laugh. However awkward this family situation may be, she took pride and comfort in knowing that at least Jacob enjoyed her company.__

__\--_ _

__With the directions Mars had received from Faith, it took about half an hour to get there. The few armed guard patrols around the large ranch had startled her, but it was obvious they were expecting her, as they paid her no attention when she pulled up and sat there in the driveway._ _

__She pulled the sun visor down to double check her appearance in the mirror; long, dyed-black hair pulled half up into a high ponytail, the rest of it sectioned into two braids that rested across her shoulders. She rubbed at her eyes; the dark circles from poor sleep more pronounced in the evening light. At least her hazel eyes were prettier in this light, right? Her fingers moved to her slightly sunburnt, freckled cheeks with a sigh, prodding the reddened skin. At work she doesn’t have to worry about looking good, but here? Ugh. She’s not entirely sure why it matters so much, but whatever. There’s no fighting the lingering anxiety, so she gets out, straightens out her hoodie, and marches to the front door._ _

__Where she is promptly tackled by Faith, knocking the air out her with a thud. Faith is chattering about how good it is to see her, and Jacob is standing off to the side with his arms crossed, as usual. The difference this time however, is how relaxed he looks; he’s even smiling. Well, it’s definitely an amused smirk, but it’s a million times better than the stony stares back at work. He’s actually….handsome like this._ _

__

__\--_ _

__Jacob was watching the small, chubby woman interacting with Faith with something akin to….fondness. The wide-eyed, flustered look suited her, and when he caught her staring and she looked away, embarrassed, he let out an amused huff and turned to sit down next to the fireplace. He watched as Faith led her around the room, talking a million miles an hour about her excitement, and as he stretched out to get comfortable, he let out a content sigh. As much as he loves his brothers, he'll always prefer Faith's company; their polar opposite personalities seemed like they would clash, but she brings a sort of lightness to his life that he sorely needs. Seeing her happy makes him happy, though he'd never openly admit these things._ _

__\--_ _

__It had been a fairly uneventful visit so far; Faith dragging her upstairs to a bedroom with little in it, decoration-wise, except for some potted flowers that were obviously very well taken care of. She'd been all but pulled onto the bed, where Faith bombarded her with questions; where she was from, how old she was, ect., scooching close and closer until she was once again holding her hands._ _

__Mars tried to pull her own hands up to cover her face, letting out an embarrassed giggle that triggered Faith to do the same. “Okay, okay...that’s...this is a bit much dude!” Mars leaned back with a sigh. “Mostly grew up in a dinky, conservative town in the woods up in Canada. I’m uh….25, almost 26….There’s not….a whole lot going on in my life? Nothing worth getting excited over. I help manage a store that honestly probably won’t last out the year at this rate.” She shrugged. “I’m not interesting.”_ _

__Faith hummed, tilting her head. “You’re interesting to me, I promise.” She shuffled in her spot, looking thoughtful. “Can I ask why you look so tired? Did you not sleep well? Was work difficult today?” Mars blinked owlishly at her. “What? No? Man it’s...just my face. I mean…” She groaned loudly. “I don’t sleep well, ever. Like my brain wants me dead probably. Sleep anxiety and recurring nightmares and shit.”_ _

__Faith sat up a little straighter, squeezing her hands. “Do you want to talk about them?” Mars shook her head. “It’s not worth talking about. Just my brain taking my anxiety and chewing it up in my sleep.” She huffed, and Faith nodded. “What about something to help you sleep? I can get you anything you need. I’ve got teas here in the house!” She moved to get up and Mars tugged her back, shaking her head. “I’ve got my own stuff, but thank you, Faith.”_ _

__\--_ _

__Mars gave her a warm smile, and God did it just move through Faith like the Bliss. Any worries she had over her well-being melted away; the last person to really make her feel like this was…..Tracey… The thought sobered her slightly, but the warmth remained. She focused back on Mars, who was trying to speak to her._ _

__“It’s getting pretty late, Faith. I’m gonna head home now, okay?” Faith nodded, taking her hand again. They walked in silence downstairs, stopping to say goodnight to Jacob on their way by. She stopped Mars at the door and leaned in, giving her a quick peck on the cheek._ _

__“Can you keep a secret? My name used to be Rachel.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on tumblr!! ghoul-ification.tumblr.com  
> please let me know how i did! im thirsty for attention and also i dont write very often haha ;u;


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this dream thing is weird and i might rewrite it later, idk

Mars awoke with a gasping sob, her body curling in on itself, hands clawing the sheets in desperation; as if anything tangible could calm her after this. When she’d gotten home from the ranch, when she’d crawled into bed, falling asleep easily for the first time in a while, the nightmare came.

This time, she’s enjoying the scenery from the ranch, leaning over the railing on the second floor. The sun was hot; it was bright, and it was beautiful. Birds are singing, she can hear a child’s laughter in the distance, and a light breeze is rustling the trees in the yard. Beyond the ranch, the valley is shrouded in a thick fog, and she vaguely wonders if there’s a storm approaching. There’s a small, nagging feeling in the back of her mind, telling her she’s forgetting something...but hell, she’s always forgetting something, really. 

John approaches her, looking happy, but apprehensive. His mouth is moving, but there’s...no sound. She cocks her head in confusion, and realizes that there’s no sound at all anymore. She brings her hands to her head, patting her ears, movements becoming more panicked. John reaches out, grasping her shoulders, and the world narrows down to two points; two holes of light. She moves her hand to her face; there’s something on it. She rips herself from John’s grasp, ignoring his confusion and fear, and scrambles to find her reflection in the windows behind her. A mask. Why is she wearing a mask?

She sees the reflection of John turn away from her, gesturing at someone standing in the yard. She turns, looking down at Faith and Jacob, who now have worry etched into their faces. She grips the railing, panting under the mask. Her eyes dart around; the scenery has changed. Were there always this many guards at the ranch? And crates of….what? Why the fuck are there so many crates? There’s movement on the road, convoys? Is that the word? What’s happening in the valley? 

Mars is vaguely aware of John’s hands on her again, shaking her gently. He’s definitely calling out to her now, fear in his eyes. In the distance, a flash of light, a cloud….and then a shockwave that knocks everyone down, bringing the sound back with it. It’s awful. The roar of fire, honking of car horns, the crunching of glass underfoot. She still can’t hear anyone speaking, but John is dragging her by the elbow down the stairs, to the jeep Jacob is currently in. She’s being shoved into the back seat with John, and he’s still clinging to her like she’s going to disappear. Jacob is yelling orders into a radio, and Faith is….crying. She looks so shocked and afraid, and Mars pushes John off of her to reach out to the younger woman, trying to comfort her. Mars glances outside; at some point they’d left the main road, pushing around cars crushed by burning trees as they make their way up the mountain, past a security checkpoint. It doesn’t take long before they’re screeching to a halt; John is pushing past everyone gathered around to unlock the bunker door, and the survivors are streaming in. Everyone from the valley, cult and resistance alike.

Her and the Seeds stand outside, ushering everyone in. Jacob is still holding the radio, yelling over the noise, Faith is helping people who are struggling, and John is giving directions to his followers, pointing toward safety. As Mars’ eyes land on the bunker door, she sees a gate. Black, imposing, and strangely ornate...behind it, the thick fog pours out. She doesn’t remember it being there, and it strikes her as odd that there would be a gate in front of a heavy bunker door. Furthermore, the gate doesn't stop anyone from entering; terrified citizens phasing through it as if it weren’t even there, disappearing into the fog. Everything else forgotten, she starts toward the gate, and the world slows to a crawl. People are phasing through her too now, and as she reaches out to the bars to grasp them, she finds them very, very solid.

She whips her head around to call out to the family, and discovers the area is devoid of life. Everyone still outside the bunker is lying motionless on the ground, and Mars abandons the gate to rush to the clump of bodies, the world suddenly moving too fast. In her haste, she trips over a faceless corpse, landing bodily on top of Jacob, who doesn’t respond in the slightless when she frantically calls out to him. Next, she finds Faith, face down, and hauls her into her lap to check for a pulse. Nothing. She sees movement in the corner of her eye, and abandons Faith to crawl to John, who is reaching out to her. 

She’s vaguely aware of the approaching heat of a nearby fire, and stands up, hauling John away, to the safety of the bunker. She leans him against the wall next to the gate, and begins rattling the bars in desperation, sinking down to her knees when the gate doesn’t give. John is reaching out to her, weakly beckoning her closer, and she leans in to his touch as he brings their foreheads together. He’s crying, tears running tracks down his soot-stained cheeks, and he brushes a thumb across her cheek, mouth moving silently once more. Mars grips the lapels of his jacket in frustration, and he furrows his brow before his head sags, arms dropping into his lap. The fog is stronger now, pouring out around them, slowly claiming John. There’s another flash of light in the distance, and Mars lets her head fall onto John’s shoulder while she waits for the shockwave that doesn’t come. Instead, John’s arms encircle her, and next to her ear comes a whisper.

“With Judgement, Clarity. With Clarity, a New Beginning.”

\--

In the following three months, as the season shifted from Spring to Summer, Mars and the Seed family would have many outings together, ranging from quiet fishing trips with Jacob, to giggly, affection-laden picnics with Faith, to the rare sermon with Joseph in the compound. While Mars was still uncomfortable with religion, the rarity stemmed from the fact that the first time she attended, Mars passed out in the front row, suffering from heatstroke. She was carried away by Jacob, and Joseph had cut the sermon short, concerned for her safety.

The only Seed she had yet to really see much of was John, who was always either in the bunker, working, or in his office at home…..working. Not for a lack of trying on his part; his schedule was simply too constricting in comparison to his siblings. He was doing all of the legal work for the project, after all, and that meant mountains of paperwork between confessions.

John shifted in his chair, bracing his arms on his desk as he stretched his stiff back. He glowered at the papers strewn across his desk, all demanding attention he didn’t have the energy to give anymore. With a withering sigh, he pushed his chair back from his desk and grabbed his coat, deciding he needed to be anywhere but here for the moment. He threw a glance out the window, apprehension clouding his features for a moment before setting his jaw in determination, his keys jingling lightly in his hand. 

He braked at the end of the driveway and parked, gripping the steering wheel too tightly. He should have called, could have texted, letting her know he was coming over. He hadn’t meant to, really...honestly. Or so he kept telling himself in the 30 minutes it took to get to Mars’ small home on the edge of the valley. They hadn’t even really spoken outside of the occasional hello, and that was entirely his fault. Ever since the realization of his small crush on the little woman, he’d been having what Jacob referred to as a ‘hilarious little identity crisis’.

John honestly couldn’t recall ever really having a crush on someone outside of childhood; his parents having beaten that notion right out of him when they found out. And now….he was an adult with no idea how to approach these feelings. Did he want Mars to really know him outside of his baptist persona? Did he have a personality underneath that, or has it consumed him entirely? His college days and the handful of years afterward were an addiction-fueled blur, spurred by the need to be anyone but the fearful, abused child the Duncans had raised. Is John still in there?

He was startled out of his introspection by a quiet knock on his window, and he jumped, turning his head so fast it popped painfully. He groaned, letting his head hit the steering wheel with a pitiful thump, and glanced out the window. Mars stood there, arms crossed, head tilted at an angle, brow creased with worry. John sat up and opened the door, and she stepped back a few feet, shoulders hunched as he quietly closed the car door.

“Are you okay? You kind of scared me there, man. I saw headlights and figured someone was lurkin’. Recognized your jacket, though.” John straightened up, putting on one of his infamous smiles.

“Of course, my dear. Just….” He’d glanced away and looked back at her to find that she was still frowning at him. The smile dropped, and anxiety pooled in his gut. “....I should have called, shouldn’t I? This is….stupid. I’m sorry, I--” Mars interrupted him with a groan, grabbing his elbow and pulling him toward the house.

“If you’re gonna have an existential crisis, let’s do it inside. I’m not wearing pants, and it’s getting dark. C’mon, Blue.” John stumbled after her with all the grace of a newborn deer, glancing down at her legs for a moment before a light, creeping blush overtook his face. She seemed unfazed by it all, and he ran a hand through his hair.

“God, I really should have called first, huh?” He huffed out a laugh. Mars opened the door and shrugged, grinning at him as she ushered him inside.

“Well yeah, but it wouldn’t have mattered. This is my damn house, and if you think I’m gonna put on pants for some religious nerd, you’re sadly mistaken. Now…” She helped him remove his coat, carefully draping it across a dining room chair before gesturing toward the stairs. “I’m gonna go back to the xbox. Feel free to join me. Or not, if you wanna sit down here alone. In the dark.”

John chuckled and shook his head, following her up to her room, where she crawled up and sat against the headboard, blankets pooled around her waist, controller in hand. He stood there awkwardly for a moment before silently joining her, careful not to touch any of her bare skin. Mars rolled her eyes but kept quiet, amused by the normally suave man’s awkwardness.

It didn’t take him long to relax, shifting slightly to get comfortable. He let out a slow breath, eyes flitting between her and the tv. “I needed a break.”

Mars hummed in response. “A break from what, Blue? Work?”

He let out an annoyed sigh, running his hands down his face. “I suppose so, yes. If I’m being honest….I miss having more free time. I feel like I don’t even have time to sleep anymore. I miss having a social life!”

Mars chuckled quietly, glancing at him for a moment before back to her game. “Can Heralds even have social lives? Isn’t it kind of awkward? Most of the people you talk to like…..worship y’all. Though TBH, I have no idea what y’all really do, besides the obvious.”

John groaned, sliding down further under the blanket, scowling at the ceiling. “Yes! It’s as awkward as you’re probably imagining, and more. The locals don’t want anything to do with us at this point, not that I care, mind you, but still. It’s….lonelier than you’d imagine it would be.” His face softened for a moment, and he looked almost wistful. “When we’d first reunited, and the flock was still small, it was….nicer. I don’t think Jacob or I realized it would get to this size.”

He turned to find Mars staring at him, a thoughtful expression on her face. They were sitting much closer than they’d been before, and he blinked at her before clearing his throat awkwardly and turning away, his face flushing. She giggled at him, reaching out to gently tug on his ear. “You’re worse than me, dude, and I’ve won the ‘Awkward Conversation’ championship 3 times now. What’s eating you now?”

He let out a bark of laughter at the absurdity of her comment and turned over onto his side to face her, leaning on his elbow. She turned off the xbox and the room darkened. Tossing the controller to the end of the bed, she scooted down and turned to face him. He sighed and let himself sink into the bed in response, closing his eyes. Mars took in his relaxed expression; the smoothness of his face, the general air of security.

“Hey…” She whispered. He hummed in response, and she adjusted the covers, glancing at the alarm clock sitting behind him. 11:21 PM. “Try not to drool all over my pillow, yeah?” She took off her glasses and hooked them on the headboard, settling in further.

He huffed, and cracked an eye open, waiting for her to mention the time, to ask him to leave. It never came, and he took the time to look her over, taking in just how tired she looked these days. He wanted to reach out and stroke her face, but refrained, and instead took a deep breath and followed her example, letting sleep claim them both.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumblr!! ghoul-ification.tumblr.com  
> please let me know how i did! im thirsty for attention and also i dont write very often haha ;u;


End file.
